The Brown Lowdown

The Blog to End All Blogs!

2006-07-19T08:40:00.000-05:00

Well maybe not ALL blogs... just this one. The more I live my life I realize that I cannot seperate our unschooling Shareen from our real life because unschooling IS living life. Soooo, I will no longer post on this blog, just on my other blog (see link on the right). The reason I decided to keep that one and not this one is b/c frankly, I like HSB better than blogspot. No offense to blogspot, it's been great, HSB is just a little better. So anyway, if you want to keep up with the Browns, check out my Leap of Faith blog. Thanks and happy blogging!

Trip

2006-06-07T11:07:00.000-05:00

I feel I will never be the same. One day I'm fine, I'm just me. Then I go on a jr high beach trip. Who is in my car on the way down there? Not the rambunctious, rowdy, trouble makers. Noooo. I get Andrew and Will. Pleasant trip you say? Noooo my friend. I was shocked. These 2 boys talked more than anyone I've been around. We listened to the Star Wars soundtrack 5 times. We discussed the advancement of Chinese inventions/technology over the Americans. We talked about crime scenes and had to set up our own scenarios for the others to guess. We discussed government and politics. We told riddles (that made no sense). We discussed every type of musical instrument known to man. We randomly laughed for no apparent reason. I took 10 aspirin. I was delirious. I got Dr Pepper spilled all in my car. Then of course, we actually make it to the room at the beach, 7 hours after we leave Moody. The next day Shareen and I both start getting congested. By the last day, we are sick. I found Andrew's socks in my back seat after being there all weekend (my car was parked at the room all weekend so his socks were closed up in my hot car for 4 days). Andrew's socks that he had used to try to sop up the Dr Pepper in my floorboard. They were yuck. I think Shareen had a fairly good time, considering this was her first youth trip ever. I was ok, but I won't be doing it again anytime soon!

Refinancing

2006-05-17T14:41:00.000-05:00

OK, we are trying to refinance our house right now. I really want it done b/c it will allow us to pay off my car, which would be awesome. But things are dragging and it's making me question whether we should do it or not. On one hand, not being able to find certain papers we need or the appraisal not being what we wanted or the interest being higher than expected could be signs from God that this is not the thing to do now... or they could be interferences from satan himself b/c this IS the right thing to do. I think it's satan just b/c I really want to refinance and pay off my car! I'll let you know how it turns out!

My Other Blog

2006-05-11T20:00:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I've started a new blog. If you want to read it, click on the link on the right. The reason for the new blog is to mainly talk about our new life of "unschooling". It is hard to separate that from life b/c it is our life, but I felt it necessary to do. This way I will post here on just regular thoughts, ramblings, etc and if you're not interested in the other stuff you can just read this blog. If you want to dig a little deeper and don't mind the dirt, please feel free to check out both blogs. Thanks!

Unimportant

2006-04-28T08:10:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like you are so totally unimportant to people? I feel like that right now, I mean I have for a while now. I know I'm just in a funk (G must be rubbin' off on me!) and this will be considered a pity party for myself (I don't care), but sometimes I really get that feeling. Not that people don't need or want me...of course they need or want me as long as I'm helping them out in some way. I mean I feel as if I'm unimportant except for what I can give or do for them. I don't think people really want me around, they just kind of tolerate me because I'm already there or invite/include me out of some sort of weird obligation. I know it's not all about me and my self-worth should be in who I am in Christ, but still... I feel crappy. I don't want to feel crappy. I want to shake this, but it's hard. I mean who doesn't want to feel wanted! I want people to enjoy my company b/c they actually like me, not b/c I can answer their questions or counsel them in some way (trust me, you don't want my counseling, I'm the one that's screwed up!) or b/c they think it would hurt my feelings if they don't include me (no pity invites please!) but they really don't want to. I feel so unimportant that I could fade away or slowly phase myself out of ANYTHING I'm currently involved in or do and I wouldn't really be missed. Eventually it would be "you know that girl that use to _____, the blond one... kind of big... yeah what was her name?". I know it sounds silly but that is what I feel. I guess I'll just have to get out of this funky place soon...

Great Blog

2006-04-07T06:49:00.000-05:00

Here's another blog I came across that is very interesting to me.
It's www.bibliodyssey.blogspot.com. For book/print/picture lovers, it has lots of great prints from old science and historical type books and just some other stuff too. You have to scroll almost all the way to the bottom to get to the archives and such, but if you like this kind of stuff it's worth checking out. Enjoy!

I know, I know...

2006-03-09T14:27:00.000-06:00

Ok, I know it has been a long time since I blogged... I know, I know. I never have time. I know what you're thinking... I only have one kid, I'm a stay at home mom, Crissy has 4 kids and blogs out the wazoo, blah blah blah... right? That is what you're thinking?!?!? But guess what, I'm not Crissy! Crissy has a passion for blogging. What I put on my blogs will never equal or be as profound and insightful as what other people blog. Unfortunately, my thoughts don't automatically go to what life lesson I'm learning at the time. Don't get me wrong, I like to blog, but I'm not going to do it early in the morning, I'm not going to stay up late to do it. That leaves the main waking hours of the day and I'm busy during those hours!

Which brings me another thought that I must get off my chest. Yes, I only have one child, but apparently that's the way God wants it right now... or forever... I don't know if God will ever bless me with another child. If He does great, if He doesn't, there's not much I can do about it. Just because I have an only child, doesn't make my life easier. To be honest, I kind of get tired of people making those comments to me. I'm sorry that parents of multiple children are tired and frustrated and think I have it easy, but, remember, you made the choice of having multiples and I would love to be in your shoes. So there, I got it off my chest. I hope I don't offend anyone, but really, I had to say it. The only thing is most people who make these comments to me won't even read this, so it may be in vain!

Homeschool Quiz

2006-01-11T15:12:00.000-06:00

I just thought these were cute... take the quizzes to find out what kind of homeschooler you are. Post a comment to let me know!

http://www.quizilla.com/users/zelie1/quizzes/What%20kind%20of%20Hundred%20Acre%20Wood%20Homeschooler%20Are%20You?

and

http://www.quizilla.com/users/guiltfree/quizzes/What%20Type%20of%20Homeschooler%20Are%20You%3F

I'M BAAAAAACK!!!!

2005-12-31T17:06:00.000-06:00

I know it’s been a long time since I blogged. Due to threats of losing friendships and banishment from blog site links, I have decided to try to squeeze in a post. The past month or so has been non-stop busy for me and sometimes I feel as if I just can’t breathe. I have really been struggling with my health (colds, sinus infections, diabetes, wretched headaches, etc), my friendships (good and bad), my job(s), my time (or lack thereof), my everything! That is partly why I have not blogged. The other part is that I am just lazy! Anyway, I feel like I can never get enough “down time”. Christmas wasn’t too bad, not a lot of over commitments, but just enough stress to run the sugar, blood pressure and headaches up a bit!

But now it’s fixin’ to be (or about to be, for folks who aren’t from the south) a new year. I normally don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but this year I’m determined to do a few things. I don’t want to say what they are, in case I fail miserably. But then again, to tell someone may mean some encouragement throughout the new year. Anyway, I am looking forward to 2006. I hope it brings great things for my family and friends. I want and need a change, a breath of fresh air, a new (or renewed) look on life.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Big Decisions on the Work Front

2005-11-15T09:13:00.000-06:00

Well, it's been about a week since I blogged anything. I've been "under the weather" with a lousy cold. I still haven't shaken it, but I do feel better.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've had to make a decision about my jobs. As I stated in my first blog, I work 1 day a week for T & E Painting doing payroll, billings, etc. I also work 1 day a week at my church for our Director of Family Ministries, Steve Morgan, who has recently been ordained and installed as our Assistant Pastor. Then there's Covenant of Grace (food pantry), numerous doctor's appointments for my diabetes and Shareen's psoriasis, weekly reading lesson at a neighbor's house for Shareen, oh and at somepoint I'm suppose to be homeschooling my child! I quit my full-time, well-paying, climbing the corporate ladder job for this chaos?!?! Wasn't I suppose to be a stay-at-home wife/mom? See, the problem here is that I'm doing it to myself. My wonderfully patient husband has asked me on several occasions "What are you doing?". I don't know what I'm doing! Anyway, since all of these little things I do have become way too much, I've had to make the decision to drop one of my jobs. That is, one of my 1 day a week jobs. Now to some people this may seem like a easy decision, but it was actually very hard. I have great working relationships with both my "bosses" and I consider both of them friends. Both jobs pay about the same and both are just 1 day a week. I thought a long time about this and even listed out the pros and cons of each. But after it's all said and done, I will continue to work for T&E until the end of the year, then it will only be reading lessons, dr appointments, food pantry, homeschooling and working for our Assistant Pastor. Hey, it's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it (j/k...maybe)! So did I quit my full-time, well-paying, climbing the corporate ladder job for this chaos? Heck yeah! Is it easy? Heck no! Would I do it all over again? By God's amazing grace, you'd better believe it!

Friday Night

2005-11-06T10:20:00.000-06:00

As I am sitting here on Sunday morning typing on the computer (I should be going to church, but I am pretty sure Shareen has strep throat), I am thinking of the good time I had Friday night. No, not with my husband (that was Saturday night! haha!), but with a group of friends. I had been up since 4:30am Friday morning and was totally exhausted and considered not going to Crissy's house. I finally decided at the last minute to go. I am so glad I did. I knew the night was going to be ok when I got to Crissy's and she was napping on her living room floor. It was about 5:00pm. You know you feel someone is your friend when you can lie on the floor with them, they pass you a couch pillow, and you can just chat about nothing for a minute or two. That was great, but there's more. Crissy and Kim made me feel very at home and welcome just by talking about normal stuff... kids, cooking, cows, etc. Oh the stories they can tell about their kids... and then Crissy reads a few pages from a Steve Martin book and I am laughing so hard my jaws hurt! Then we have to call Steven G. Morgan and harass him about getting home so Laura can come over and join us. As I wait in anticipation for Laura to show up (b/c just being in Laura's presence makes me feel better, she's one of the loveliest people I know), we play some Nertz and have a fuzzy navel (Kim's the best bartender I know!) and laugh some more. Then Laura shows up and we talk and laugh some more and Crissy pulls out the Steve Martin book again and we all laugh more and my cheeks and side hurt from laughing so much. We play some more cards and talk about the women's ministry at church. We really talked about some good issues with the women in our church like schooling, working, leadership, etc. Although it was 11:30 b/f I went to bed that night and I was totally tired the next day, I must say that was a really great night. Maggie spent the night with us, and I didn't hardly hear a peep from them Saturday (I napped some Saturday, sorry I missed you Crissy!). However, Reen's throat has gotten worse and I can see white on it now so a trip to the doc may be in order tomorrow. Anyway, all of this has been said to say this, God knows what I need and I am glad he is in control. If I would not have gone over to Crissy's Friday, I wouldn't have gotten what I needed that night and that was mental rest in the love and peace of my friends. I needed to be with those particular people that night and God blessed me with that and I am so thankful for it. People that just love me for me and I can completely be myself with. I experience God's grace and mercy and I see it in them everytime. I can feel it. I've said before how I see God working in me through other people and I'm amazed by it. I can't express that enough. I don't always see it at the time, but later, I step back and think 'Wow, that was so God!' Friday night was so God!

You look really nice!

2005-11-01T12:48:00.000-06:00

I don't like it when people see me dressed in something nice (cause I'm usually a jeans and oversized t-shirt girl) and say "wow, you look really nice!". I know to most people that might be a compliment, but for me it's actually like saying "usually you look like crap and I didn't realize you cared about how you look and that you could actually come up with an outfit and some make-up that looks half way nice!". I'm sure somehow this fleshes out as an unresolved issue with my mother (to 'psychologize' it - thanks Crissy & Kim) and that I always feel on the defensive and I take most things way too personally, but since this is my blog, and this problem is on my mind, I felt the need to get it off my chest. So here's the thing, just b/c I don't always wear make-up and dress nice doesn't mean I can't. I do it when I want to. I guess some people don't realize that I worked in an office situation for 6 years and I had to wear business-type clothes so I do own some nice outfits. Just b/c I don't feel the need to constantly dress-up and wear make-up everyday doesn't mean I can't do it when I want to. I'm not one of those people who think I'm going to die if someone sees me w/o make-up on. In fact, I usually prefer no make-up. However, if I get up one day and say to my self "Self, I think a little mascara, some lipstick and a nice outfit would be good today" I don't expect every person I see to say " Les, you look really nice" or "You look really pretty". Not only do I not expect it... I don't want it! I hope I'm not offending anyone, but seriously, I'm not trying to look good for anybody out there except my husband and hopefully, he loves me anyway! The way I dress is just like my tattoos, it's for me. I know it sounds silly, but every tattoo I have has a certain meaning for ME. Most people just see some ink and usually make a judgment about me one way or the other based on that and that's fine b/c they're mine and not for anyone else. I don't feel compelled to flaunt them, explain them or justify them. It's the same way with clothes and make-up. I wear what I want when I feel like it. It's not to fish for compliments or tell someone where I bought my shoes or whatever. It's just whatever I feel comfortable in at the time. Whew! That was long but it feels good to say. I know Jeff will be glad I got that off my chest so he doesn't have to hear that gripe (I gripe to him frequently about that kind of stuff). While I'm at it...

This is something else that bothers me and I probably DO bring this on myself b/c I talk about how much I hate to clean house and how lazy I am and that I'm not a great house keeper, etc, etc . When someone comes to my house and makes comments like "hey you vacuumed", "you didn't have to clean just for me", or "the house smells nice, did you just clean?". I mean what the heck is that stuff suppose to mean? I think this once again is probably a personal issue, I'm defensive, blah blah blah... but comments like this irk me, a lot. Just b/c I don't like to clean doesn't mean I don't clean. I'm the kind of person that I'm not going to go out of my way to clean just b/c I think someone may come over. If you show up and it's not spotless, I'm so sorry but we have a lived in house. It's not a museum and you'll be ok. If you show up and it happens to be clean, hey, that's great, I'm not a total slob! Anyway, we live and learn and have fun in our house and to me that's more important than having every single dish out of the sink. But that doesn't mean that we don't vacuum, dust, wash dishes, clean the toilet, do laundry and take out the trash like normal people! Geez! I know some people that just draw attention to the fact that their house is clean, or slip in a comment about cleaning... like that's going to impress me! I've had a baby au natural, w/o any drugs... it takes more than a clean house to impress me. In fact, I'm more impressed with someone being REAL with me and not even trying to impress. I know I've said a lot, but this blogging stuff is fantastic.

My Friends

2005-10-27T09:39:00.000-05:00

I've had "friends" before that absolutely sucked the life out of me. Actually, there's been a lot of those kinds of people in my life. People that after 5 minutes I can't help but feel so negatively about myself and everything else in life. I know part of it was my bad decision making and choosing the wrong kind of people to call friends. I'm also grateful for some of those experiences b/c I've learned a great deal from them. Those past "friends" remind me of how thankful I am for the real friends I have now. God has placed certain people in my life that have been such great friends, not just when I need something, but just people to make me laugh or pray for me or say just the exact thing I need to hear at just the right time! It's amazing how I make my Father so little when he is so BIG! Just in the past week or so I've seen a big change in myself and my attitude about different things, not b/c of me, but b/c of Christ working in me and using others to work in/on me. The past week has been amazing to me as I see these changes happening and I am in awe of His sovereignty! I don't know if that makes any sense but anyway THANK YOU TO ALL MY REAL FRIENDS AND THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME THE BLESSINGS I CALL FRIENDS!

McD's

2005-10-25T21:21:00.000-05:00

I hate it when I go in McD's (or any fast food restaurant) and this happens: ME: "Hi, this is gonna be for here. I need a #9 and a #2 and um that's all." CASHIER: "Is this for here or to go?" I can't stand that. Or at the drive-thru: ME: "Hi, I'd like a #9 and a #2, both with sweet tea to drink. That's all." SPEAKER CHIC: "Will that be all?" ME: "Yes" SC: "That's a #9 and a #2, one with coke and one with what to drink?" ME: "No, 2 sweet teas to drink." SC: "You just want 2 sweet teas?" ME: "No, no, I want a #9 with sweet tea and a #2 with sweet tea!" SC: "I'm sorry, we're out of sweet tea." I really, really can't stand that.

My stupid, stupid computer

2005-10-23T20:18:00.000-05:00

My computer is the stupidest thing. I hate it! I know that computers are just machines and they really don't have a mind of their own, but mine does. This computer is the slowest thing ever. I guess what I really mean is the internet is slow and, to me, that means the computer in general is slow. I mean sssslllloooowwww. Yes, my friends, we have...dial-up *gasp*. Not only can we not afford high speed, even if we could the leader of our home says we don't need it. Apparently we don't use the internet enough to justify the expense. Of course, we all know my argument. If it was faster, we'd use it more! Also, my computer just randomly shuts down whenever it feels like it. Not after I've been surfing the net for hours on end, but when its only been on for 15 minutes or, my favorite, right in the middle of paying a bill online or making out lesson plans for the week. Grrr!

The reason all this is an issue is b/c my intentions in starting my blog was to be able to post a lot and get my thoughts out here. Looks like I won't be on as much as I'd hoped but I will be as much as possible. I'd love to hear from anyone out there who reads my ramblings and would like to comment!

First Blog

2005-10-21T15:40:00.000-05:00

Well, this is my first post. I never really thought about having a blog before, but thanks to my friend Crissy, who told me about hers, I've decided this is the perfect way for me to ramble and talk about my life! I'm a good rambler... Anyway, I'm at church working now (I have 2 one-day a week jobs). Suppose to be working... actually, I'll probably leave soon. Anyway, just a little about me... I am married to a wonderful man named Jeff and I have a lovely daughter, Shareen (Reen for short). I am a stay at home wife/mom who homeschools my daughter and I work one day a week at our church as assistant to our Director of Family Ministries and I work one day a week for T&E Painting doing office/administrative stuff. So does that make me a part time stay at home mom? I don't know!?!?! Ok enough of that, just wanted to get it out of the way so when I start venting, ranting and raving you'll know who I'm refering to!